The Strip Factor
by Flightf
Summary: Lula give's Stephanie a membership to Strip Aerobics for Christmas. 1st Story in The Pole Dancer's Diary Series
1. Merry Christmas Skinny White Girl

Author: Feather (Flightf)

Warnings: Spoilers all the way through Twelve Sharp.

Disclaimers: I own nothing…JE owns it all….I will return everything when I am finished. I am basing the strip aerobics on two programs Shelia Kelly's the S Factor and Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease.

Rating (K-M) M

A/N: The is the 1st story in my Pole Dancers Diary Series. Review's and comments always welcome.

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**Chapter 1: Merry Christmas Skinny White Girl **

Twas' the night before Christmas and all through my apartment; not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.

Well okay Rex was running in his cage and my T.V. was on but that didn't count in Jersey. Everyone knew that the T.V. was necessary background noise. I had just settled down for a long Christmas nap, sighing into my pillow and instantly falling asleep.

_Ranger kissed my neck and slid the strap of my tank top off my shoulder. And then his hand was under my little knit top, his fingers skimming across my breast. He kissed me and our tongues touched, and his mouth moved lower and lower….and lower! Ranger froze in mid Kiss. _

"Come on you skinny ass white girl! I know your home!" Lula yelled, pounding on the door, "Open this door! Santa Claus is visiting you a little early this year."

I groaned as I untangled myself from the covers, trying to shake off the tingling in the pit of my stomach. I had been having that same dream for the last four months. You would think by now my Hungarian hormones would let that August morning live in the past. But oh no, I grumbled as I stomped my way to the front door and lifted the security chain. As I opened the door, wishing that the light in the hall would burn out. Standing in front of me was a full figured black women stuffed into red stretch velvet with white fur trim mini dress that was at least 3 sizes to small. Her hair was in braids with red and white beads striped throughout.

"Hey girlfriend, you are looking scary tonight. I just thought that I would drop off your Christmas present because Tank has tomorrow off and we are going to stay in and spread some Holiday cheer. She said as she look pointedly at my hair and then walked passed me into the room carrying a huge gift bag. She walked over to the couch and sat down while I headed over to the little two foot pre-decorated tree that I bought at Walgreen's during a tastykake run. My brain was finally coming out of its sleep-induced haze and I gave Lula a huge hug.

"Merry Christmas," I said, and I handed her the small gift bag.

I watched as Lula opened the small bag and pulled out a small leopard print picture frame. Never in all the years I have known Lula have I ever seen her speechless, so when she just sat and stared at the picture of the two of them. "Connie took the picture last month, when she showed it to me and I fell in love with it. I just felt that it showed our friendship perfectly. If you don't like…." Lula turned to me and grabbed me by the arm.

"Damn girl you are going to make me cry!" Lula said as a tear slipped out of her eye. I hugged her again, feeling relieved that she loved it as much as I did. "Now you need to open my gift."

I gently picked up the tissue paper. I loved to open presents…well at least when I know they are from someone who likes me. Inside the bag was a black leather gym bag with a two-inch capital S embroidered in the top left hand corner. I didn't know what to say. I put on my best "I love it smile" "Ahh…Lula, I love it. Thanks."

_Had she lost her mind?_ Not even Ranger health nut guru would've dared to buy Stephanie Plum a gym bag for Christmas. Damn, I thought. I think Lula just forfeited her girlfriend card.

"Girl! You've got to see what's inside the bag. Open it! I promise it's not exactly what you think." Lula nudged me with a sneaky smile.

I lifted the bag and it was surprisingly heavy. I took a deep breath and opened the zipper. The first thing my eye caught was a soft pink envelope with the same S in the middle. I opened the envelope and at the top in the same scripted writing was _The Strip Factor_. I quickly scanned the rest of the piece of cardstock. My eyes shot up to Lula's. I held her eyes in disbelief, for the second time today I was speechless.

Lula finally broke the silence, "A couple of weeks ago I was trying to decide what to wear for my nooner with Tank so I turned on the Channel 4 News. Well they had an editorial piece on a new health craze that is sweeping the nation, Strip Aerobics. So I signed us up for a level one six-week class. Merry Christmas Girl."

"STRIPPING….LULA…I can't strip!" Oh I could hear my mother now! Why me? she'd moan. Why must I have a child that insists on being a stripper! I thought it was bad enough that you found dead bodies, blew up your cars, lived in sin but now! Now you are stripping! I'd be disowned, I thought sadly. I'd never get cake again. "Lula, I just can't."

"Come on girl! It's in Princeton. Your mother will never know. Plus you have been complaining about the Holiday bulge. I really wanted to give Tank something special for Valentine's Day. The class is only once a week for six weeks. You can surprise Super Cop or better yet Batman. You haven't even got to the best part of the gift yet, wait until you see those six-inch heels. They are to die for." She said with a smile.

"Six-inch heels? You bought me shoes? "

"Yep, I bought everything we need for Level One." Lula took my hands into hers and pleaded, "Please, look I want to stay but I have to go. Just think about it. Nobody will know but us." She gave me a look from head to toe and turned towards the door, "and white girl, you had better do something about that hair, if one of your men drops by tonight, you'll scare the hard on right out of him. Wouldn't want to ruin your Christmas Cheer."

With a sigh I shut and bolted the door behind her, I started towards the bedroom and happened to catch my toe on the side of the gym bag.

"Damn it!" That hurt. I sat down on the coach rubbing my little toe starring at the bag. I couldn't bring my self to look at it anymore. I marched into my bedroom, with one last lingering look at the bag.

I sighed and shook my head. Tomorrow. I told myself. I would face the bag tomorrow.

**From** **Twelve Sharp HB page 194**


	2. A Remote, Bag, and a cell phone…

Author: Feather (Flightf)

Warnings: Spoilers all the way through Twelve Sharp.

Disclaimers: I own nothing…JE owns it all….I will return everything when I am finished. I am basing the strip aerobics on two programs Shelia Kelly's the S Factor and Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease.

Rating (K-M) M

A/N: This is the 1st story in my Pole Dancers Diary Series. Reviews and comments always welcome. I would like to send a thank you Stayce who fixed my terrible grammar and offered wonderful advice. Also, I need to thank Elissa who convinced me that my dialogue was in character.

**Chapter 2: A Remote, Bag, and a cell phone… Happy New Year Stephanie Plum!**

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I dropped a grape and a few popcorn kernels into Rex's cage and watched as he scurried out of his soup can to stuff his cheeks and run back into safety. I grabbed my corona and a huge bowl of popcorn and settled onto the couch to watch the ball drop. I flounced onto the coach with a thump and searched for the remote. I started with the cushions and I sent them flying across the room. By the time I was convinced that it wasn't in the couch I was 5 bucks richer. Of course it was all in loose change. I put the cushions back on the couch and I lay down on the floor to see if it had been kicked under the couch. It was dark so I really couldn't see anything. I decided to chance it and I stuck my arm under the couch and did a quick sweep. Nothing but an arm full of dust bunny's, coughing and gagging I sat on my hunches trying to figure out where it might have disappeared to. I stood up and surveyed the room, as my eyes landed on the bag sitting next to the couch I sighed. For the past seven days I had been able to ignore the bag, I had been able to just pretend that it didn't exist. Denial is my greatest talent and I try to make the most of it. I eyed the bag from across the room and I wondered if those five bucks would buy me a new remote. Damn I would have to touch the bag.

I crossed the room sucking down half the beer to give myself liquid courage. I stopped about five feet from the bag and I wondered why I was petrified of the bag. I have gym bags, sure they never see the light of day and I'm not even sure if I could find them in the black hole that I call my closet, but I do own them. If you can eat dinner with your family you can open a gym bag, I told or persuaded myself. I grabbed the handle of the gym bag and dragged it over to the couch. I sat down with the stupid thing in front of me and I looked at the floor and there was the remote. I quickly grabbed the remote and hit the little red button. I watched a few minutes of Justin Timberlake's performance and decided that Ghostbusters was in order. I popped in the dvd and snuggled into the couch, at about a quarter till midnight my cell started ringing. As I passed the gym bagged, I grimaced. I turned off the movie and hit the mute button, and then I picked up the phone and looked at the caller ID.

"Hey Joe," I said as I flipped it open.

"Cupcake, I was starting to worry that you weren't at home."

"Where else would I be? I'm 30, all my friends are out with their dates and my boyfriend had a secret assignment so he had to work tonight." I said in a grumpy voice.

"Cupcake, you know I would be there if I could. Bob misses you." The background noise was starting to get louder. I could hear some music and laughing in the background.

"Bob is staying with your sister, he is not missing me." I replied in my most pissy voice. "Where are you anyway? It sounds like you're at a party!"

He took a deep sigh, "Stephanie, you know I can't tell you. I'm am working that's is all you need to know. Look, I just wanted to say Happy New Year and tell you that I missed you."

"Joe I miss you too…" I started but in the middle of my sentence he cut me off.

"Look Cupcake, I've got to go. I'll try to call soon. Bye" and he disconnected.

I tossed the phone on the sofa and looked at the clock, 5 minutes until 2007 and here I sit on the couch all alone. I sat there and looked around my apartment. I let my eyes scan all the things that belonged to me and then my eyes rested back on that damn bag. It was like we were having a staring contest trying to decide who'd win. My cell phone rang and made me blink, so the bag didn't really win. Again I checked the caller ID.

"Yo"

"Yo yourself. Babe, your sounding a little frazzled tonight, anything I can help with?" Ranger asked, damn I could hear the smile in his voice.

"No. I was just startled. So what's up?" I said trying to sound normal.

" I just wanted to wish you a Happy New Year! I thought that I would be leaving a message though. What are you doing home?"

"Joe had to work, so I am at home celebrating with Rex. What are you doing alone tonight isn't there someone you should be celebrating with?" My stomach turned as I said the words, holding my breath waiting for his answer.

"Babe. I am working tonight. I tried to give as many of the guys off tonight as I could. " He said sounded a little irritated.

The air came out of my lungs with a whoosh and I glanced at the TV just in time to see the ball drop and 2007 to light up the screen.

"Happy 2007 Babe."

"Happy 2007 Ranger." I said with a heavy heart. I watched the screen as all the couples were hugging and kissing. Wishing that he were here to kiss me.

"Me too, Babe, me too. I need to check the monitors Babe." He said reading my mind again.

"Bye" and I noticed that the phone was already disconnected.

I closed the phone and picked the remote and turned off the TV. Again my eyes found the bag. That damn gym bag. I know that the classes start this week but surely not tomorrow, not on New Years Day. I would open the bag tomorrow. Yep tomorrow in the light of day, so I could see things better. I stood up said goodnight to Rex and headed towards the bedroom. I turned around and looked at the bag like I had every night for the past week , it was like it was calling me. Sttteeepphhanie, open me. You know you want to. Don't be a chicken. Damn the bag is calling me a chicken. All I could do was glare at the bag. "I'll show you who's the boss! I yelled across the apartment. I stuck my tongue out at the bag, marched into my bedroom, and I like had every night for the past week, I slammed the bedroom door. Ha! I win.


	3. Can I shoot the answering machine

Author: Feather (Flightf)

Warnings: Spoilers all the way through Twelve Sharp.

Disclaimers: I own nothing…JE owns it all….I will return everything when I am finished. I am basing the strip aerobics on two programs Shelia Kelly's the S Factor and Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease.

Rating (K-M) M

A/N: This is the 1st story in my Pole Dancers Diary Series. Reviews and comments always welcome.

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**Chapter 3: Can I shoot the answering machine and just say it blew up?**

Hi, this is Stephanie. If this is my Mom, a girlfriend, a Merry Man, Joe or Ranger, please leave a message. If you are a psycho, stalker, murderer, there's nobody home. Have a nice day. Beep

"_Stephanie Plum! This is your mother! What kind of message was that? What if one of the neighbors calls you? What will people think? Why me? I know you're listening! Answer this phone! Stephanie… long pause Come to dinner tonight, I'm making a nice fudge cake. 6pm sharp". Beep_

I hit the delete button immediately. Why my mother felt the need to tell me it's her was beyond me. She had been my mother for 30 years; I would think by now that it would be obvious that I would know the sound of her voice. And telling me what time dinner was served? Had I suddenly gone brain dead without knowing it? I was beginning to wonder if she had been visited that cabinet next to the sink too much.

"Babe." Beep 

I guessed that was _call me_ in Ranger speak or I guessed it could be questioning my new message. Oh well.

I reached up into the cabinet to get out the jar of peanut butter and the loaf of bread. The next message started with a pop of bubblegum and then a board voice started speaking.

"This is Sandy from Pleasures Treasures. I'm calling to let you know about our special sale for frequent customers. Buy one get one free on the new Up All Night Male enhancement drug. Why use Viagra and have to wait 30 minutes to 4 hours when you can take Up All Night and have faster results. Up All Night is made by a top-secret herb discovered by the famous Chinese scientists Long Duc Dong. Stop in today for your free sample." Beep

Damn and double damn at the mention of frequent customer! I had dropped the jar of peanut butter and it had bounced off the loaf of bread and landed on the edge of my foot. I reached over the counter and slapped the delete button. All the while muttering to myself about somehow becoming a frequent customer to an adult shop. I guess it was Caroline Scarzolli's way of getting even. I was bending over to retrieve my jar off peanut butter off the floor when Morelli's voice blared from the machine.

"Cupcake, I was just calling to check in. I should be home by the end of the month. I will be out of touch but if you need something leave me a message. I'll be checking them."

I was standing with the door to the refrigerator trying to find my olives when the message that I had been dreading started.

"Hey Girl. I know you thought that you could just avoid me and get out of this but it doesn't work that way. I'm going to pick you up at 4pm. Our class starts at 6. So with the 30-minute drive that will give us time to stop and eat. A girl has got to have fuel to strip. And you had better be dressed and waiting. You know I really like you and I wouldn't want to piss off Batman by putting a cap in your ass. Catch you later."

I let out a long sigh and threw my uneaten sandwich in the trash; I had managed to avoid Lula all week and hoping that I could just use the" I forgot" excuse and buy her a bucket of chicken for an apology. I guessed it was finally time to open the damn bag. I reached into the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of beer; I was going to need it. I decided the best place to open it would be the bedroom so I nudged the bag with my foot. Inch by inch it slowly made it's way to the bedroom. I sat down in the middle of the floor with the bag between my legs. I opened the beer and took a long draw. As I put the beer onto the nightstand behind me I could hear the bag taunting me.

"Chicken, chicken, I'm calling you out.

You're such a big baby, all you do is pout.

You're a big 'fraidy cat, But everyone can see

You have yellow feathers, cause you're afraid of me!"

Just when I thought that it was finished, it started again

"Chicken, chicken cluck cluck cluck

You're a baby, we all can see

You're a big baby and you just suck.

You should be on your mama's knee.

You're a chicken, yup, yup yup.

Cause you're afraid to open me up."

Why, oh why, didn't I bring my gun in here? I swear, I was just going to shoot it!

Finally after I stared at the bag until it stopped talking to me; I opened it a little wider and looked inside. The bag had the black hole effect. I could tell that there was stuff in there but I couldn't make out what they were. What was I supposed to do now? I wasn't going to reach into it blindly, who knows what's in this bag. Two more beers later, I decided to just pick the bag up and dump it all in the floor. I picked the bag up and turned it upside down and began to shake it. Stuff was flying out everywhere.

When I was finally convinced that the bag was empty, I threw the bag against the door with a thunk. I sat down in my spot on the floor and surveyed what was considered the beginners kit for level One at The Strip Factor and broke out in a cold sweat.

This was going to be rougher than I originally thought.

Oh boy.


	4. You call those shorts?

Author: Feather (Flightf)

Warnings: Spoilers all the way through Twelve Sharp.

Disclaimers: I own nothing…JE owns it all….I will return everything when I am finished. I am basing the strip aerobics on two programs Shelia Kelly's the S Factor and Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease.

Rating (K-M) M

A/N: This is the 1st story in my Pole Dancers Diary Series. Reviews and comments always welcome

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**Chapter 4: You call those shorts?**

I closed my eyes and counted to ten, hoping that when I opened them the scene around me would disappear. I slowly peeked out of one eye; everything was just as it was 20 minutes ago. I let out a huge sigh and tried to figure out where to start. I decided that the booklet looked safe. The cover of the booklet was glossy white with a silhouette of women in red, posed in the classic bump and grind position: one hand above her head holding her hair up, head thrown back, knees bent, back arched, with the other hand resting on her hip. Under the women was the same scripted S with The Strip Factor Level 1 kit: Empowerment I opened the brochure and scanned the words all the while keeping one eye on the paraphernalia surrounding me.

Welcome to the Strip Factor. This is your level one kit. Inside this bag you will find everything that you need for the empowerment class. Please make sure that you have everything on this list, if not contact the receptionist at the club.

Stripping workout shorts  
Dancer's thong  
Push-up bra  
Level white Strip Factor tank top  
6-inch platform heels

I took another swig of beer and reached for the item that was closest to me. It was something black in a plastic bag smaller than a sandwich baggy. I opened the plastic and the smallest pair of workout shorts I have ever seen fell into my lap. I pick up the piece of black velvet and sucked in my breath. I was holding them in front of me and I swear my niece Mary Alice could fit in those shorts.

No way, no how… I wasn't going to get those on. They were made of black stretch velvet and they had a silver zipper down the front. I looked at the tag on the inside and about fell over reading that they were a medium 30-32. I swear I have underwear that covered more than these shorts!

I was going to have to start rethinking my stand on guns!

I tossed the shorts, if you could call them that, ha!, to the side and grabbed the next item. I was holding a bag the size of a jewelry box. I rolled my head letting my neck crack trying to release the tension that has overcome my body. I quickly ripped into the bag and again I was shocked in by the size of this garment. It was a white thong that I wasn't sure that I could shave enough hair away to be able to wear without embarrassment. Hm, maybe I needed to make an appointment at the salon tomorrow morning.

My head was spinning from all the beer that I had consumed so I figured I had enough liquid courage to go for the biggest bag. This bag was made out of the same leather as the gym bag and when I picked it up I realized that this is where the weight was coming from. I unzipped the zipper and flipped the flap open. Inside the bag was a pair of 6-inch platform stiletto heels made of clear plastic.

I'm from Jersey. I'm a Jersey girl. Deep breaths, I thought. I can do this. I know all about shoes and I could tell you that the only word anyone would ever associate with these shoes is a stripper. While staring at the shoes trying to find a way out of this mess short of breaking my own leg or shooting myself in the foot, I wondered if I could get one of Ranger's men to shoot me. Nah, then it would get back to Tank that Lula was taking stripping lessons. She would never forgive me.

I only had two more items to face, so I decided to do it as quickly as possible. I knew that the baggies contained a tank top and a push up bra…after the shorts how bad could it be?

Relief flooded over me after I had the bags opened and I was left holding a push up bra that was a little skimpier than I normally would have purchased but not too bad and a white starch cotton tank top that had the same silhouette on the front and empowerment on the back.

My eyes were starting to drift closed and a huge yawn escaped my lips. I was still trying to figure a way out I decided to try the Merrymen. Which one to call? Ranger was out because he would want me to put on the damn outfit. Hm, Tank was out, I had to keep it from him at all costs. That left Bobby and Lester.

Okay, I thought. So it came down to this. I sat on the floor in my drunken stupor trying to remember that damn rhyme Mary Alice and Angie were singing the other day:

Ennie Mennie Miny Moe

Catch a tiger by its toe…

If he screams make him pay,

Fifty dollars every day.

My mother told me

Not to pick the very best one

And you are not it

You dirty dirty dish rag…

You.

I was semi-impressed that I remembered it and glanced down at my finger. I landed on Bobby so that meant that Lester was the lucky man. I dropped the last item into the bag and skipped down my phone list until I found Lester's phone number.

Leave a message…beep.

Lester? It's Stephanie Plum... I have a little problem that I need your help with. Ugh, but you can't tell anyone…. Ah …do you know what's more painful: a broken leg or getting shot in the foot? I'm a bit of a baby and I need to be able to call it an accident. Oh well, you can help me decide when you get here. I mean, I'll need some help. If you could call me when you get this message I would appreciate it. Thanks! Um, Bye! Oh! And make sure you don't tell Ranger or Tank. Call me! I'm desperate.

I slurred out and dropped the phone on the floor beside my bed.

Good, I thought, now I could go to sleep. Help was on the way; surely Lester would help me out of this. I tried to turn off my light and in the process I knocked both the lamp and the empty beer bottle onto the floor. I'll pick them up tomorrow.


	5. The Message

Author: Feather (Flightf)

Warnings: Spoilers all the way through Twelve Sharp.

Disclaimers: I own nothing…JE owns it all….I will return everything when I am finished. I am basing the strip aerobics on two programs Shelia Kelly's the S Factor and Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease.

Rating (K-M) M

A/N: This is the 1st story in my Pole Dancers Diary Series. Reviews and comments always welcome.

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**Chapter 5: The Message**

Ranger's POV

"Yo."

"Boss Man, we have a situation." Lester's voice was filled with amusement. I wonder what could be going on that I didn't already know about. I hoped for his sake that this was _not_ a joke; I haven't had any sleep in 20 hours and I'm more apt at this point to choke him half to death for his regular practical jokes. But just to be on the safe side I went to my closet to retrieve my weapons out of the safe. Better to be safe- than sorry.

"Meet me in my office in ten." I flipped the phone shut and slid it onto my belt. I clicked the remote to call up the elevator and hit the _5_ button. As I walked into my office, I Lester was already sitting at my desk like he owned it with a smirk on his face.

I shot him a look and shoved his feet off my desk, "Lester, if this is a joke-"

"I swear, man, this isn't a joke. Just listen," he said, trying to keep from laughing while he corrected himself in my chair. He picked up his cell and dialed a number then turned on the speaker, setting the phone on the desk. My heart stopped at the voice of my babe filled the room.

Lester? It's Stephanie Plum... I have a little problem that I need your help with. Ugh, but you can't tell anyone…. Ah …do you know what's more painful: a broken leg or getting shot in the foot? I'm a bit of a baby and I need to be able to call it an accident. Oh well, you can help me decide when you get here. I mean, I'll need some help. If you could call me when you get this message I would appreciate it. Thanks! Um, Bye! Oh! And make sure you don't tell Ranger or Tank. Call me! I'm desperate.

What the hell was going on? I saw her leaving the office today and nothing was wrong. I know she doesn't have any dangerous skips. I've learned to keep tabs on who Vinnie gives her- the rat. Morelli was away on business. What was going on with Steph…? And more importantly, why does she want Lester instead of me?

I gave Lester a sideways look, eyes narrowed and studied him. I'd kill him slowly, I decided. Maybe break his fingers one by one first for putting his hands on her-

"Uhhh…Ranger….Ranger…RANGER…."

"Santos?" I said, realizing that I had been completely unaware of my surroundings. Only my Babe had that effect on me.

"I've been trying to get your attention for the past few minutes. What do you want me to do about the call?" He asked putting his phone away.

"I'll take care of it."

"But she told me not to tell you. Maybe, I should handle it with you in the background. I don't want the Bombshell not trusting me. Hell, I debated on whether to tell you or not for over an hour."

An hour? I thought my head was going to explode.

"AN HOUR? Have I not made myself clear?" I said my eyes narrowing at him.

"Man, you heard her message. By telling you I'm doing the opposite of what she's asking me to do. Next time I guard her, I need her to trust me, to listen to me. The only reason I told you was because you know her best and I wanted your advice on how to handle the call. Because I like Steph and everything, but I'm not going to break her leg or shoot her in the foot. I do value my own life," Lester said, standing up and running his hands through his hair.

"I'll take care of this problem. As for knowing Stephanie better than anyone else, that's why I'm going to take care of the problem because if there's one thing I know about Stephanie Plum it's to expect anything. And she makes the best-laid plans go the FUBAR." I said, my tone assertive, knowing that Santos wouldn't push his luck.

I turned and walked out the door, I needed to get some sleep. Stephanie was obviously drunk, so she would need the cure in the morning. I'd stop by and see her then. But as the elevator doors opened at the 7th floor, I had a sudden change of heart and hit the button for the garage; I needed to check on my Babe.


	6. Stay With Me

Author: Feather (Flightf)

Warnings: Spoilers all the way through Twelve Sharp.

Disclaimers: I own nothing…JE owns it all….I will return everything when I am finished. I am basing the strip aerobics on two programs Shelia Kelly's the S Factor and Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease.

Rating (K-M) M

A/N: This is the 1st story in my Pole Dancers Diary Series. Reviews and comments always welcome. Sigh this has been extremely difficult to write. My muse ran away……

**Chapter 6: Stay With Me**

Ranger's POV

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I made quick work of the lock and opened the door to Steph's apartment. Her apartment was quiet except for the squeaking of the rat running in his wheel. I could see her purse and jacket thrown on the table where she had dropped them. Shoes discarded on the floor. Walking into the kitchen, I kept my eyes open for anything out of place. The kitchen was in its usual disarray, a few dirty dishes and a pile of mail sitting on the counter. I flipped through the mail looking for anything that's looked threatening. Nothing but bills and junk mail so I moved on. I glanced down at the trash can and only saw a bag from the Tasty Pastry. I checked the living room next and nothing was out of place. Silently I walked towards her bedroom. The door was closed; I turned the knob and pushed the door open. I could tell that the door was pushing something along the floor.

I slipped inside the room and had to stop myself from laughing. Stephanie was spread eagle on the bed fully dressed. Softly snoring and a trickle of drool at the corner of her lips. As I walked to her side of the bed I had to dodge empty beer bottles and the lamp shade from the nightstand. I leaned over her and brushed her curls out of her face. I mentally braced myself to help her get undressed and put her to bed properly. I unzipped her jeans and my breath caught at the sight of blue lace. I let my breath out in a long soothing exhale and started the job of sliding the jeans off of her hips.

"Ranger?" I could tell by her voice that she wasn't completely awake or sober. I forced my eyes from her hip to her face. She was trying to open her eyes but the alcohol seemed to be winning the fight. Finally, I could see slits of dark blue and my groin tightened. Passion eyes, heavy lidded from sleep and it was all I could do not to strip and get into bed beside her, "Why are you here?"

"Just stopping by." I slipped the jeans the rest of the way off. She rolled onto her belly and I pulled the covers to her shoulders.

"Hmmm…stay with me." She mumbled into her pillow. I immediately stiffened; I know that she didn't mean it. I could already her snoring. I knew that in the morning she wouldn't remember asking me to stay. In the morning, I would have to explain why I was in her bed.

I leaned over and put her lamp back on the nightstand. I picked up the beer bottles to take them to the kitchen. As I was walking to the door I notice a large leather gym bag top open with garments half in and half out sitting next to the door. My Babe owns a gym bag? I had to stop myself from laughing out load. Chuckling I made my way back to the kitchen. I was standing in front of the trashcan debating on walking out the door, knowing full well all I wanted to do was walk back in the bedroom and hold my babe all night. I looked at the clock on the stove- 1:30am.

I slipped between the cover, inhaled Stephanie's unique scent, pulled her into my arms and savored the way that her body melted into mine.

"MMMM Ranger" she mumbled into my chest

"Sleep Babe, we'll talk in the morning." Hoping that in the morning I would be able to figure out what is wrong with her.

"'kay…"


	7. Babe, Do you want it?

Author: Feather (Flightf)

Warnings: Spoilers all the way through Twelve Sharp. **SMUT WARNING**

Disclaimers: I own nothing…JE owns it all….I will return everything when I am finished. I am basing the strip aerobics on two programs Shelia Kelly's the S Factor and Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease.

Rating (K-M) M

A/N: This is the 1st story in my Pole Dancers Diary Series. Reviews and comments always welcome. Special thanks to Tammi and Heidi who are filling in while my muse is AWAL Last but not least Christie and Stacye's editing skills without them my story would be full of editing and grammar mistakes! This is my first experience at writing smut..so sorry if it is bad.

**Chapter 7: Babe, Do you want it?**

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I nuzzled my face into a delicious smooth surface. The scent was intoxicating driving me from my slumber. I started exploring the smooth velvety planes realizing that it was muscle. My fingers traveled across smooth hills and valleys and finally down a silky plain. I let my hand continue lower until the texture changed. My hand stopped moving until I realized that I was touching fabric. I let myself slip under the offensive barrier seeking the warmth of skin. Just as started my distention again fingers laced around my wrist, trapping my hand. Within seconds both hands were raised above my head and I felt the weight of another body pressing me into the mattress.

I felt a face nuzzling into my hair and then I heard a voice gruff with sleep, "Babe, I'll give you this one free but next time that counts as partial consent."

My eyes shot open at the comment, which I immediately regretted as the light caused lightening bolts of pain through my whole body. I let out a groan and tried to move my arm so I could cover my eyes but I was still trapped in Ranger's grasp. As the fog of sleep cleared my brain, I was left with confusion, the hangover from hell, pure lust and last but not least….panic. How did he end up in my bed? I can't remember a thing from last night. Oh my God! Did he see the bag? Did I tell him about the bag? What am I going to do? The faster my brain went the more intense the pain became, I had to stop this.

"Ummmm…Ranger. You're in my bed." Damn what made me say that? Now is not the time to lie to myself I know what made me say that, what I really wanted to say was that wasn't just partial consent that was full-blown…let's get naked right now consent. I could feel his mouth turn up into a smile.

"Babe." And then I felt his lips touch mine. It was a brief touch of tenderness. I let myself sigh as I felt the loss of his weight. I watched in awe as he covered his body with the clothes that were lying on the chair.

He leaned over me, mere inches away from my face, "You want it Babe?"

I sucked in a deep breath. _Oh God, did I want it!_ It was all I could do to keep my hands still and not grab him and pull him on top of me.

"Well?" he whispered over my ear.

A small moan escaped as a chill that started at my ear traveled down my body but I stayed still.

I heard him chuckle as he righted himself again, a wolf grin taking over his lips. "I'll be back with it," he said before he made his exit.

I laid there confused and unsatisfied. What the hell had he been talking about? I tried to sit up before the dizziness over took me as I plopped myself back onto the pillow. Ugh, hangover. The in dawned on me, the cure. He was going for the cure-- God I love him. I closed my eyes to regain control over my traitorous body. I needed to be in control before he returned. After a few minutes of thinking of every un-Ranger thought I could bring to mind, with the most successful being the memory of grandma Mazur in the leather bustier I had beaten my hormones down to a slightly aroused state. The light coming through my blinds still causing darts of pain so I slowly let my eyes close for just a minute.

_His lips were skimming down my neck making pit stops here and there to nip the back of my neck and the to lick the pain away. I could feel the hard muscles of his thighs resting on my waist. His fingers were now brushing along the sides of my breasts teasing them with feather light touches. The callused pads of his fingers were affecting my system in ways that I never though possible. He moved to sit on my calves his erection now resting on my thighs. His mouth was now on my back whispering words that I didn't understand into my skin yet still driving me out of my mind. His mouth finally stopped at the curve of my butt. His hands massaging up my legs and finally reaching my ass, he was letting his fingers barely touch me, he started to slip his hand between my legs and I arched myself into him urging him deeper. _

_I could feel his face near my ear, "Stephanie, turn over so I can make you mine." _

_My breath was coming in short pants now; I was slick and wet from my need for him. I rolled over and…._ felt the jolt of pain as my body hit the floor.

I sat in complete shock. The sheets were wrapped around my body, my chest was heaving, I was alone and most importantly I was staring at that damn bag.


	8. Is that the Bat Signal?

Author: Feather (Flightf)

Warnings: Spoilers all the way through Twelve Sharp.

Disclaimers: I own nothing…JE owns it all….I will return everything when I am finished. I am basing the strip aerobics on two programs Shelia Kelly's the S Factor and Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease.

Rating (K-M) M

A/N: This is the 1st story in my Pole Dancers Diary Series. Reviews and comments always welcome. Special thanks to Tammi and Heidi who are filling in while my muse is AWAL. Special thanks to Her Majesty Stayce who graciously edited this for me.

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**Chapter 8: Is that the Bat Signal?**

I eyed the evil bag with contempt and tried to find a way to blame my current condition on it. When I realized that thinking made my head pound even more, I gave up. Damn, Damn, Damn….I need to do something about that bag. Ranger will be back soon and I don't want to have to explain it. I stood up, my legs still quivering with lust, and I rolled my neck to help ease the tension that was taking over my body. I walked over to the closet, ignoring the pain shooting through my eyes with every movement. As I pulled the door open, an avalanche of shoes, discarded clothing, and dust bunnies came flying out at me. I took a step back and watched wide-eyed, as a two-foot pile of stuff accumulated in front of my closet. What was I going to do now? Still holding my bag I wandered out of my bedroom trying to find a suitable hiding place. As I walked into the living room I sent a silent prayer thanking God that the blinds were closed and that only a sliver of bright sunlight was dancing on the new carpet. After trying to shove it under the couch I finally decided that it wasn't going to fit, so I headed towards the kitchen. Standing at the entrance to the hallway that is often called a kitchen I could feel the panic closing in on me. I could feel Ranger getting closer and closer to my apartment. I had to put this bag somewhere! Feeling like a caged lion I grabbed the handle closest to me, pulled it open and shoved the bag in. I let the door shut and I could feel the panic subsiding, the adrenalin leaving only the marching band in my head behind. Lord knows I never use the oven.

Mother Nature was calling so my next stop was the bathroom. I flipped on the night-light not ready for the yellow hued glow from the 1970's light fixture over the sink. A scream escaped my throat as I caught my reflection in the mirror out of the corner of my eye. My mascara had left streaks down my face, you could see drool lines down my chin and my hair was in style for African American men in 1960. The pain in my head was steadily pulsating behind my eyes, making me feel like I was in a disco. After debating what I should tackle first, I finally decided on the most difficult. I picked up a brush and tried to tame the wild beast that I am lucky enough to call my hair. With each stroke of the brush my hair became bigger. When my hair was standing straight out from my head I finally conceded that a shower was going to be the only way to get myself together.

I walked over to the shower and turned the water on full blast. Stripping off my clothing quickly, I stepped into the shower. I cowered against the wall in the back of the tub trying to avoid the stinging pricks of the cold water. I closed my eyes and shifted so my head was nestled into the corner. As the temperature of the water that surrounded my feet gradually became warmer I backed up until the water was rushing over my body. Savoring the feeling of the hot water seeping into my protesting body, I reached over to the shelf and grabbed the body wash. Opening the bottle and squeezing the liquid, as my hand filled with the gel, a pool of heat gathered in my stomach as the aroma of Ranger invaded my space. I turned my face into the stream of water trying to regain control on my hormones. A moment passed before I finally gave into the battle that I knew I wasn't going to win and I let myself slip back into my memories of making love with Ranger. Loosing myself in the feelings of his hands, his mouth leaving trails of shivers on my skin, the contrast of our bodies hard and soft, dark and light, I let my hands gently caress my stomach mimicking the small circles Ranger loved to trace there. I let my hands slide lower and couldn't bite back the moan as I picked up a rhythm. Panting and shaking, my mind lost in memories, my body lost in sensations. I felt the waves start to wash over me and I cried out Ranger's name just as I did during our night together.

Stepping out of the shower I grabbed a towel from the bar and wrapped myself in it. My legs were still a little unsteady and my breath wasn't completely back to normal but my brain was no longer trying to escape my head. I grabbed my blow dryer and quickly cleared the steam from the mirror. I picked up the comb and started trying to tame my hair when I caught my eyes in the mirror. I slowly scanned the rest of my reflection. My eyes were clear and bright, my skin was slightly flushed and I had a smile that held the promise of a secret. There were no signs left of the hangover that had been there no less than fifteen minutes ago. I might have found the new cure. Humming the theme of Batman to myself, I dropped my towel and reached for my clothes. Finding the top of the toilet empty, I realized that I forgot to grab them. I started to reach for the door when it hit me that Ranger could be back. I picked my towel back up and opened the door just enough to peek into the living room. Relaxing slightly when I saw no sign of him, I let the door swing open and walked into my bedroom. Dropping my towel on the floor, I headed straight for the drawer that held my underwear. I decided on my new black bra from Victoria Secret and a pair of black satin boy shorts that had the bat signal in rhinestones. Merry Christmas Stephanie Plum I thought as I slipped into my Christmas present to myself. They made me feel sexy and daring. Turning to the closet for the first time since entering the room I locked eyes with molten liquid chocolate.

Sitting on my bed was Ranger dressed in bad ass black and eyes as dark as sin taking in every inch of my body. My room suddenly became a pressure cooker, my lungs unable to inflate all the way, my feet wanting to sprint but my mind making every muscle freeze.

"Babe, I thought the Bat Signal was used to call Batman to take care of a problem but from here it sounded like you took care of the problem all by yourself." He had a small smile on his face but it didn't reach his eyes. His eyes were pure fire.

I could feel the heat rising up my face. My mouth was opening and closing but I didn't know what to say or do. I was frozen in time, my blue eyes locked with his brown ones.

Breaking eye contact, he lifted himself off the bed and walked over to me tucking a curl behind my ear, letting his finger trace my lips. "You have five minutes to get dressed and meet me in the living room, after that I'm coming back, and if I find you dressed like that, I just might forget that I am not really Batman and answer that call."

The sound of the door clicking shut finally broke the spell that had been holding me hostage. Gasping for air it finally hit me that Ranger heard me. How am I going to face him? Damn I can hear my mother now; "nobody else's daughter gets caught masturbating in the shower." Why me? I guess I can always call her the next morning and tell her about the "new cure". I decided that it was time for the thinking position. I needed a plan and I had 3 minutes left to come up with it.


	9. Temptation, Frustration, and Fries

Author: Feather (Flightf)

Warnings: Spoilers all the way through Twelve Sharp.

Disclaimers: I own nothing…JE owns it all….I will return everything when I am finished. I am basing the strip aerobics on two programs Shelia Kelly's the S Factor and Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease.

Rating (K-M) M

A/N: This is the 1st story in my Pole Dancers Diary Series. Reviews and comments always welcome. Special thanks to Tammi and Heidi who are filling in while my muse is AWAL.

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**Chapter 9: Temptation, Frustration, and Fries made out of Gold**

_**(Ranger's POV)**_

I've spent the last year having dreams that started just like this morning. Waking up to my Babe's hands roaming my body velvety soft fingers lightly caressing my skin, her body still soft from sleep, her breath catching in slight gasps as she took in my body. I _need_ to feel her body next to mine, so I let her continue until I could feel my control come close to snapping; catching her hand just as it reached the waistband of my boxer shorts. For a moment she fought me- so I raised both hands above her head and flipped us over so I was in the dominate position. She was wiggling her body under mine and I had to fight to gain control over my body. I lowered my face into her neck and gave my one and only warning.

"Babe," my breath hot on her neck, "I'll give you this one free but next time that counts as partial consent."

I could feel the change in her as she processed my words. Her body that was soft from sleep and lust was now taut. Her breath was coming in short pants; I could tell that she was on the verge of panicking. I kept myself still pressing her into the mattress giving her time to make a decision. When I finally heard her voice I had to keep myself from sighing.

"Ummmm…Ranger. You're in my bed."

Trying to hide my frustration with being turned away yet again, I lifted my face and gave her a slight brush across the lips. I wanted to change her mind, remind her how it was between us. I wanted her to be haunted by those 12 hours as much as I was but all I could do was say, "Babe."

I got up, knowing I'd reached my limit for the day and went to the chair. I dressed with the efficiency that I had acquired during my years in the military. I could feel Stephanie's eyes burning into me but I refused to look at her until I was fully clothed. When I sat in the chair to pull on my boots I finally allowed myself to look in her direction. She was laying on her side with an elbow propping her head up. She was flushed a slight pink, her eyes were glazed and her lips were parted with the tip of her pink tongue showing. As I finished tying my boots, I couldn't resist myself so I walked over to the bed and leaned down until I knew she would be able to feel every word through her whole body. I let my desires show through my voice.

"You want it babe?"

All my blood headed south as she let out a gasp and laid back on the bed. I could see her desire in her eyes but she was holding herself back. I moved my mouth over to her ear.

"Well?" I said, flicking my tongue out to just taste her. "Here's your chance."

A moan escaped her and I could see a shiver travel down her body. I know that I was back to the snapping point of my famous control. Who would guess that this little white girl from the Burg would be the one to break my legendary control? With a chuckle I returned upright and gave her a rare smile.

"I'll be back with it." Not trusting myself to look at her again I headed out to my truck.

I started the ignition and noticed that it was only 6:30 in the morning. I knew that my Babe was already fast asleep again, so I had the time to take a shower and check into the control room before she would need the cure. I pulled out into traffic and headed towards Haywood. Driving effects my body like Valium, typically it allows me to slip into a peaceful Zen existence but today however I found myself focusing on the women that I left behind. By the time that I pulled into my parking space my knuckles were white from gripping the wheel. The muscles in my shoulder blades were so tight that it hurt to move.

I hit the button for the 7th floor and leaned back against the elevator. I closed my eyes for just a second until the door opened and I pulled myself off the railing and to my apartment. I dropped my keys in the dish, trying to let the calm of the apartment sooth my tense body. Realizing that I needed to release all this pent up frustration, I headed towards the bedroom.

One hour and ten miles later, I found myself letting the sprays of hot water pound my still aching muscles in my back. Exercising was a short term band aid for my issue but at least now I didn't have a permanent hard on. I would have to find a solution to my problem soon.

I checked the control room before making my way through town to the drive through at McDonald's. I mentally cringed when the screen screeched and screeching teenage voice shouted at me, "Welcome to McDonald's, would you like to try our new cinnamon bites this morning?"

"No, I need the largest coke and fries that you have," I said, forcing myself to be polite.

"We don't carry fries until our lunch menu starts at 10:00 am. But we do have hash browns."

I looked at the clock on my dashboard it read 9:32. I debated my choices. I could threaten him or I could bribe him. It was a tough call, but I finally settled on bribery. "I'll give you a fifty to sell me a large fry."

"Uhh… sir that is against company policy. Come back in thirty minutes and we will be serving fries."

I made my last offer before I pulled my gun to get the damn fries. "Look. I'll give you one hundred dollars for a large fry and coke."

"Pull around to the 1st window."

I pulled around to the window and a young man in his early twenties grinned at me.

"The fries will be about three more minutes in the fryer, please pull around to the front and I'll bring them out to you."

Ten minutes later I had a gallon of coke and a bag of fries that should be made of gold sitting next to me as I pulled into Stephanie's lot. I quickly scanned the lot, satisfied that every car belonged. When I finally reached her door, I used my key so I didn't spill the coke. The apartment was quiet so I headed towards the bedroom. As I passed the bathroom I heard water running, my lips twinge into a small smile. I couldn't believe that my babe was awake on her own. I walked into her bedroom, noticing that the closet door was open a mountain of shoes and clothes were in the middle of the floor. Shaking my head, I took the coke and fries and sat them on the night stand while I decided to wait her out on the bed. The covers were twisted and half on the bed and half on the floor. Just as I straightened them up and settled myself with my back against the headboard I heard a whimper come from the bathroom. Pulling my gun, I immediately headed towards the door trying to keep as quiet as possible. With my hand on the door knob I listened trying to figure out what I might find inside. I could hear her breathing coming in short pants and her moans getting louder and the smell of Bulgari invading my nose. My hand fell from the knob and hit against my leg. I had to stop myself from dropping my gun from the shock.

"Oh my God, Rannnngggeerrr." Was followed by breathy moans and took me back to the only other time I had heard those words. I stood there the whole time as her moans were getting louder and I had lost count how many times she had called my name, reliving the night with her. I closed my eyes and I could experience watching her eyes as she screamed and panted, her body withering on the edge of orgasm, I could taste her. By the time she screamed my name the final time I was so hard that I wondered if I would be able walk and I was cursing myself for not walking out the door when I had the choice. The sound of the shower curtain being opened sent me back to the bed. I settled myself against the headboard and tried to gain control over my raging emotions. Just once I would like Stephanie to understand how close she brought me to losing all control. The buzzing of the blow dryer reminded me that she would be done soon and I needed to slip on my blank face and put Carlos back into the shadows.

The door to the bathroom opened and Stephanie peeped her head out, looking into the living room. When she thought that she was alone the door opened and she walked out wearing only a towel humming the theme to Batman. Fuck Batman, I thought. When was she going to realize that I am just a man? In some ways it amazed me that this woman thought that I was a superhero but part of me wanted her to look at me like just a man.

I swallowed quickly when she dropped the towel and reached in the drawer for her underwear. Damn… I can't believe that she has no clue that I was here. What is it going to take to get her to be more aware of her surroundings? A five year old could pick her locks. Anyone could be in here. Anger and lust were waging a war in my head. She slipped on a black bra and a pair of black satin underwear with a bat signal in rhinestones. When she turned and caught my eye, I couldn't help myself.

"Babe, I thought the Bat Signal was used to call Batman to take care of a problem but from here it sounded like you took care of the problem all by yourself." I force myself to smile but all I wanted to do was burying myself deep inside her make her scream Carlos until she didn't have a voice left.

Her sparkling blue eyes widened with shock and she was doing a pretty good fish impression, with her mouth opening and closing. I finally looked away and walked over to her. I tucked a curl behind her ear. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her but I couldn't trust myself so I had to settle for tracing the outline of her lips with my finger.

"You have five minutes to get dressed and meet me in the living room, after that I'm coming back, and if I find you dressed like that, I just might forget that I am not really Batman and answer that call." And with that, I walked out of her bedroom and had a seat on the couch, setting the timer on my watch for five minutes. I'd just hit the start button when the phone vibrated at my hip. I flipped it open and when Lester's number popped up, I hit the talk key.

"Yo."

"Boss, I was just calling to check on Bombshell. Did you find out the problem? She doesn't hate me, does she?"

"I'll take care of it." I replied, closing off the conversation. Mentally cursing myself for not remembering why I was here in the first place. I looked down at my watch and noted that she had two minutes left. I could hear her moving around the room and talking softly. I wondered who she was talking to but knowing Steph she was just talking to herself. Leaning my head back I closed my eyes practicing relaxation techniques, when at the same moment my watch beeped and the bedroom door opened.


	10. Ready, Set, Go!

Author: Feather (Flightf)

Warnings: Spoilers all the way through Twelve Sharp.

Disclaimers: I own nothing…JE owns it all….I will return everything when I am finished. I am basing the strip aerobics on two programs Shelia Kelly's the S Factor and Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease.

Rating (K-M) M

A/N: This is the 1st story in my Pole Dancers Diary Series. Reviews and comments always welcome. Special thanks to Christie and Elissa for helping figure out where I wanted to go with this.

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**Chapter 10: Ready, Set, Go...**

"Stupid ass men really know how to ruin a good moment." I muttered to myself as I laid on my bed trying to come up with a plan to get away from Ranger as quickly as possible. I had no doubt that he would walk through the door when my five minutes were up- Ranger was nothing if not punctual. I glanced at the clock on my nightstand and realized that I only had two and a half minutes left before he came back. Sitting on the nightstand beside my clock was my cell phone, and then it hit me. My phone call to Lester, that's why Ranger was here. Shit, Shit, Shit...I reached over and picked up the phone. I hit speed dial number 4 and was relieved when she picked up on the second ring.

"Girl, you had better not be calling trying to get out of this afternoon. I will stun your ass if you aren't at the curb waiting on me." She answered in full rhino mode.

"Lula, pick me outside of my apartment in five minutes." I whispered into the phone as I yanked open a drawer.

"I can't hear you. Why are you whispering? Speak up, girl. Hey, did Super Cop come home last night?"

"Just get here. Five minutes. I'll tell you about it then. Hurry!" I hit the end button not waiting for her response and stared into the drawer that I opened. I pulled out a pair of black yoga pants and a sports bra. I slipped on the yoga pants and struggled with the bra. I grabbed a baby blue tank top out of the drawer and pulled it over my head. I did a quick time check and I was down to a minute. I went over to the pile in front of the closet and near the back was tennis shoes; I picked them up and coughed as a cloud of dusk surrounded me. I paused at the door catching my breath and quickly shoved my feet into the tennis shoes. With my hand on the door knob I took a deep breath and then forced myself to open the door. I stood frozen in my doorway right as his watch beeped.

Ranger was sitting on the couch with his head back and his eyes closed, his body screamed relaxed but I knew better. As the door opened and his watched beeped he slowly raised his head and opened eyes until we were staring at each other. For a split second I would almost describe his face as weary but then he opened his mouth.

"Babe, why are you wearing gym clothes?" With every word his mouth turned up a little bit. By the time that he finished that six word sentence he was wearing a full blown smile.

Come on Stephanie, I gave myself a pep talk, you can do this. Your plan is simple. Grab the evil bag and get out of dodge before he even realizes that you left. I forced myself to move into the room, once my feet started moving I couldn't stop them. I headed straight towards the kitchen hoping that I could grab the bag out of the oven before he would follow me in.

"Lula talked me into taking an aerobics class with her." I called over my shoulder. _Please don't ask me where!_ I thought as I reached the kitchen and tried to quietly open the door to the oven. Just as I reached inside I felt him lean over me.

"Babe, why is your gym bag in the oven?" He chuckled out as he put a hand on the back on my neck.

Damn, what am I supposed to say now? I settled for a half truth. I can't lie to batman. "I hate it; the oven is the closest thing to hell in the apartment." I pulled the bag out and let the door slam shut and turned right into Ranger.

His lips were still twitching and the hand that was on my neck slid down my body and rest on my hip. He brought the other hand to my other hip and pulled me into one of my favorite paces on earth- his embrace. He rested his head on top of mine. I enjoyed the comfort and peace that being wrapped in Ranger brought me until I heard the heavy bass signaling Lula's arrival.

"Lula's here! I gotta go." and I reluctantly pulled out of his embrace. I grabbed the bag and walked out of the apartment. For once I took the stairs just in case Ranger decided to follow me. As I walked out of the stairwell several things hit me at once. It was January and I am wearing a tank top, I forgot to grab socks and I just walked out on batman. I debated for about half a second going upstairs to grab a sweatshirt but I knew that Ranger wouldn't let me get away if I gave him another chance. I knew that unless I wanted to explain everything I needed to suck it up and brave the cold. I opened the door to the building and the cold hit me like a slap in the face. I made a run to Lula's Firebird and was instantly in rhino mode when I realized the door was locked. Lula was sitting in the driver's seat staring right at me in a daze. I knocked on the window and she jerked the beads in her hair sounding like wind chimes.

"Girl… why are you standing out in the cold?"

"LULA, unlock the doors." I yelled through gritted teeth. I crossed my arms in a feeble attempt to warm myself up. I finally heard the tell tale sound of the locks engaging so I quickly jumped in.

Shit, I wasn't sure this day could get any worse.

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**Bonus **

_(Ranger's POV)_

I could count on one hand the number of times in my adult life that I have been dumbfounded. This one would certainly take first place. I wasn't sure what just happened but I was pretty sure that my babe just walked out on me without telling me what was really going on. I picked up my cell phone and hit the number 1 button. As soon as it started ringing I could hear _I keep telling you to Loosen up my buttons baby_ blasting from the bedroom, I shut my phone and headed towards the sound of the Pussycat Dolls. I stood in the doorway and scanned my babe's domain. My instincts were screaming that Stephanie was up to something, she claimed that I had ESP and this is one time that it would have been useful. She has a knack for attracting all the psycho's in the greater Trenton area and I can only hope that this isn't one of those times. A dresser drawer was open clothing half in and half out, the bed was rumpled with the pillows being the only evidence that two people had slept there, and on the nightstand was a pink cell phone that was now silent except for an occasional beep telling her that she missed a call and a untouched large coke sitting in a pool of condensation beside a bag with an unopened straw peeking out with the golden fries which were now ice cold.

My phone buzzed at my hip, seeing that it was the control room, I took a second to switch to work mode ad hit the talk button.

"Yo"

"Boss, Washington called about a project that they would like our assistance on." Tank boomed at me.

"I'll be there in 10." I shut the phone and took one last look at my babe's bedroom and I headed towards the door. Just as I reached the front door, I turned and memorized every detail. Knowing that I was probably headed out on assignment did nothing to re leave the screaming in my head that something was off. I was going to have to trust my men to ensure my babes safety. Her wellbeing was not something that I took lightly, and my men understood that. As I turned the lock on the deadbolt I debated on who was going to be the lucky man. Because unfortunately it wasn't going to be me this time.


	11. Out of the frying pan and into the fryer

Author: Feather (Flightf)

Warnings: Spoilers all the way through Twelve Sharp.

Disclaimers: I own nothing…JE owns it all….I will return everything when I am finished. I am basing the strip aerobics on two programs Shelia Kelly's the S Factor and Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease.

Rating (K-M) M

A/N: This is the 1st story in my Pole Dancers Diary Series. Sorry this chapter took so long. Thank you to all my friends who held my hand as I mucked my way through this chapter.

**Chapter 11: Out of the Frying Pan and into the Fire...**

I slammed the door shut, immediately reaching over and turning the heat up to high. I aimed all the vents so the air was blasting directly at me and started to rub my hands together trying to get some circulation going. Even after rubbing them, I looked down they were still blue so I raised my hands directly in front of the vent, the prickly sensation quickly replacing the numbness.

"So are you going to explain to me why we are running away from Batman?" Lula asked me.

I felt my eyes widen and I whipped my head around. The panic started to gather in the pit of my stomach as I noticed that the car was still in park. I slowly raised my eyes to her face and I took a big gulp. I knew that look, Lula was like a bulldog with a bone and this time I was the bone.

Shit! Play stupid Stephanie.

"You're crazy." I rolled my eyes for good measure. "Hurry, I'm starved. Let's go get something to eat already." I was hoping that the mention of food would distract her from further questioning.

When Lula let out a bark of laughter I knew that I was missing an important piece of information. She knew something that I didn't. I felt a little bit of relief when she shifted the car out of park but it only lasted for seconds.

"So girl which old geezer won the lottery?" She asked as she pulled out onto the main road.

I sat there not sure what she was talking about but my gut was sending up red flags in all sizes, "Uhhhhhhhh…" I stammered out.

"Because I know nobody can afford a Porsche on social security," she paused for a second and shot a glance at me. "Maybe they'll loan you the money to buy a coat because it is January you know"

At this point she couldn't hold her smirk in anymore because she knew that she had me. I was defeated at my own game. Rats! "So how does McDonald's sound? I'll buy you a happy meal and you can tell ole Lula why she picked you up 5 1/2 hours early and most importantly why you are running from the only person who if he really wants to can find you anywhere. You might as well come clean because I will get the full story out of you."

"Okay, okay, okay...yes! Ranger was at my apartment this morning but I was not running away. I was merely leaving before he could ask me any questions. Happy now?"

"See that wasn't so hard was it? But you surely don't think that I am going to let you stop there? Now come on tell Lula all about Batman's visit."

"Lula, I told you there's nothing to tell. I just didn't want him finding out about the classes." I purposely left off any mention of waking up with my hands down his pants and my time in the shower. I could feel the blood rushing to my face as I remembered the shower and I knew I needed to roll down the window and get some fresh air.

"Damn girl, would you turn the heat down!" Lula pulled me out of my daydream and before I could reach out, she was already flipping the heat down, "Just the look on your face is enough to heat the car up! Lord almighty! My contacts are shriveling up on my eyes! I'm gonna be blind by the time we reach Mickey D's. That must have been some daydream!" I followed Lula's gaze and looked up as we pulled into the parking lot.

"Looky here girlfriend, I knew that this was going to be a great day. Even the God of good parking is smiling on us." Lula gave me a full out grin as she pulled into the spot directly in front of the door. I gave myself a little pep talk and then made a run for the door. When I safely on the inside of the glass doors I realized that Lula was still getting out of the car. When her door closed I got my first look at her. I felt my eyes go wide and I had to stop myself from shaking my head. Lula had on a pink satin hip length coat with purple fur trim that was belted at the waist. She had on crop pants that were purple and pink camo with boats that were pink suede with more purple fur around calves. As she walked through the door she grabbed my arm and headed straight to the counter. As we approached we heard a tall lanky man in his early twenty's bragging to a teenage girl.

"I swear to you he was wearing head to toe black driving a bitchin' black Porsche and was built. He was wearing these mirrored sunglasses and I am no fag or anything but he was hot!" He was talking with his hands the whole time. The girl was just looking at him doubt written all over her face.

"Yeah Tommy- I am so sure some guy paid you a hundred bucks to make fries before the lunch shift. You are _so_ full of shit." She turned to walk away when he pulled out his wallet.

"Look! Here is the hundred dollar bill." He waved it around, "You know he kinda looked that that guy a while back that was all over the news for kidnapping or something. When I brought him the sack, he muttered something about babe and cure. I couldn't understand him," he said with a shrug of his shoulders.

As I stood there I could feel my hands gripping the counter as this guy's story sunk in. I could feel the guilt consuming me; I didn't even eat one of those fries. I could feel Lula's eyes searching me for some reaction and I knew that I had to do something quick before the questions started.

"Excuse me- can we order?" When the girl walked up to the counter she snapped her gum and raised her eyebrows. My temper was starting to flare at the lack of customer service when Lula started to speak.

"We'll take two 6 piece chicken nugget Mighty kids meals with cokes to drink; we'll each take two of every sauce, 4 apple pies and 2 chocolate shakes. We're going to be here awhile because Babe here has some explaining to do." As she finished the sentence her eyes cut to me daring me to make a move. Neither McDonald's employee caught the Babe comment; I guess I should thank God for small favors.

We picked a table in the far corner of the restaurant. We dumped all the fries into a big pile in the middle of the table and we each had a row of sauces lined up in front of our seats. I sat down and opened my box of nuggets and took a sip of coke. Unfortunately Lula picked that moment to take off her coat and I began to cough and sputter. Lula and I have been friends for a few years yet she still consistently leaves me speechless with her sense of style. She had a gray tee-shirt stretched until it was almost see through with "Every Girl Needs a Tank..." written in pink rhinestones that were once touching each other but were now well spaced. Lula tossed the coat onto the empty chair and looked at me with her eyes narrowing.

"Stop shivering- your skinny white ass had better not die until I get the full story on Batman." She eyed me and looked down at her shirt, "So you haven't commented on my outfit, it was a Christmas present from Tank. Is my man sweet or what? He said that the T-shirt was one of a kind just like me..."

As each word slipped from her mouth I could see the years slipping away. By the time she was finished she looked 10 years younger and she was glowing. My heart fluttered and I wondered if I ever looked like I was in love. I needed to not think about that. Denial, denial, denial…

Lula settled into the seat across from me and immediately began eating fries. I picked up a nugget and debated which sauce to start with. Should I go with sweet and sour- a childhood favorite- and let it bring back the memories of sitting here with Grandpa Mazur sneaking in a pit stop as he would call it? Or maybe barbecue or I could just go with the new Ranch sauce…

"Steph, Stephanie, earth to Stephanie-" When I raised my eyes she kept talking, "I've been watching you hold that damn nugget for the past five minutes just staring at the sauces. It's time to tell Dr. Lula all about what's going on in the current saga of The Days of Stephanie Plum."

I took a deep breath and started talking. Every few words I would stop for a bite just to get my courage back up. I sugar coated over most of the Ranger parts and when I told her that he was in my bedroom when I got out of the shower I completely forgot about what I was doing in the shower. There are some things that you just want to keep to yourself. I know that Lula wouldn't judge me, hell she probably would give me a medal. When I was finished with my story we were down to a few crumbs and the chocolate milkshakes. As I slurped up the last bit I mentally both thanked and cursed God that I was wearing spandex after all that food.

"Stephanie you know that after all that we have been through together that you can always count on me and right now I am going to give you advice that you don't want to hear. Sometime soon you are going to have to make a decision between the two men in your life. Because one day you are going to wake up and find that they both have moved on."

She reached over and did something that was so uncharacteristic that I was doing a good impression of a fish for the second time today. I didn't get much time to process what she said before she moved onto the next topic. "Okay it sounds like you need a little pick me up. Here's what we are going to do. I heard that Macy's is having a kickin' after Christmas sale. We are going to hit the stores for a few hours then we are going to shake our bootee."

It was after twelve when we pulled out of Mickey D's parking lot. I figured that I would be safe so I asked Lula to stop by my apartment long enough for me to change clothes. I unlocked the door and let myself in. I knew that Ranger would be gone but I was somewhat surprised there wasn't a Merryman waiting to take me to there leader for punishment. With the thought of Ranger punishment I felt a little zip between my legs but I managed to get myself back on track. I went into the bedroom and grabbed a pair of jeans and black cashmere sweater from my closet. The fact that the sweater was a Christmas present from Ranger didn't enter my mind at all- nope no way. Besides I knew that Ella picked it out. Reminded me that I need to thank her when I see her next. The sweater was by far one of the nicest things I owned.

I sat on my bed to slip on a pair of boots and on my nightstand sat a McDonald's bag and a full coke in a pile of condensation. The guilt was almost overcoming as I reached out and ran my finger across the bag. Sometimes I couldn't believe the things that Ranger did for me. I reminded myself that there was only one thing that I really needed from Ranger and it was the only thing that he denied me. _Him._

With a sigh, I stood up reached over and grabbed my cell. As I locked the door to my apartment I looked to see what calls I had missed. I hit the button that automatically connected me to voice mail. I hit 2 to skip straight to the message because I just didn't have the patience to sit through all the crap the cell phone companies feel the need to tell you about every call. I hit seven immediately when I heard my mother's voice, I would call her later. The very last message started just as I settled into the car seat.

"Babe...I am going out of town for business. Contact Tank if you need anything." There was a long pause after he finished talking but he didn't say anything else. I felt a little disappointment mix in with the desire to hear his voice. Out of town… again. I wasn't sure if I should be relieved or mad that he was leaving. I decided to do what I do best and pretend that nothing was happened. Luckily a song that Lula liked came on the radio so she cranked up the radio and off to the mall we went.

At five o'clock I found myself back in Lula's car with the music blasting away. The back was overflowing with bags from every store in the mall. After Christmas was the best time to get great deals. We must have hit the stores after some big returns. We ended up eating diner in the food court but I mostly picked at my sandwich. As we got closer to the time of our class I got more and more nervous. At exactly five forty-five we pulled onto a trendy street in Princeton. You could tell that it was a neighborhood of older homes and buildings that had been restored. I looked up and down the street trying to find the PLACE. I started by looking for anything that looked like the strip clubs in Trenton. I didn't see any live signs or buildings with a seedy look to them. Next I tried to find a fitness club no full glass views of people who looked miserable. Wishing that they were any place but where they were. Again I came up short I was starting to dance in my seat out of nervousness when Lula found a parking spot right outside a building that obliviously used to be a home. The front door was wood with a glass window. Etched on the window was the same S that was embroidered on my bag. The same S that was on the letter head.

Shit we were here and I was going to have to put on the shorts. Damn and double damn.


	12. And it ends with a moon

Author: Feather (Flightf)

Warnings: Spoilers all the way through Lean Mean Thirteen. (I am sure at some point I will use Tanks name)

Disclaimers: I own nothing…JE owns it all….I will return everything when I am finished. I am basing the strip aerobics on two programs Shelia Kelly's the S Factor and Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease.

Rating (K-M) M Yep it's M for Adult language, adult situations, and maybe some real smut.

A/N: This is the 1st story in my Pole Dancers Diary Series. Sorry this chapter took so long. Thank you to all my friends who held my hand as I mucked my way through this chapter. I can't believe that it is finally finished. RL has been really messy lately...I finally have my daughter settled into kindergarten and my son settled into Tuesday, Thursday School...hopefully this means I will find the time to write and maybe catch up with Plum world.

**Chapter 12: And it ends with the moon...**

Lula bolted out of the car in seconds. She was standing at the curb holding her bag by the time I set my feet out on the pavement.

"Girl get your skinny white ass in gear. I have some moves to learn for my man. By the time I get done shaking my thing he'll be panting and drooling like a starving dog being tempted with a juicy bone. He'll be begging for a bite."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as I found the button to slide the front seat forward. I hesitated as my finger touched the bag. I would swear that I felt a shock of electricity. As I dutifully followed Lula from the car to the side walk I lost myself into my own thoughts. I couldn't figure out what it was about the bag in my hand that disturbed me. I'm one person that would never be accused of being cautious. I'm the girl that runs into everything head first, to hell with what might happen. Why in the world am I scared of a damn piece of leather?

"Steph, are you coming in or what?" Lula brought me back to the present time. I looked up and she was holding the door, waiting for me to catch up. I was startled by the obvious excitement written all over her face and I made the decision right then and there to make the best of it, no matter what. Lula has supported me through a lot of shit and it was time that I supported her. I quickly caught up with her and before I knew it I was inside.

I hadn't really let myself picture what the building might look like, hell I never even let myself get past the bag sitting on my living room floor, but never in a million years would I have guessed that this is where I would be expected to wear the almost shorts. Standing in the foyer of what had once been a great house, I froze and the only thing moving was my eyes darting from one spot to another. My impression from outside was correct, the building still had the feel of a house. Directly off the foyer was a room with a few seating arrangements. The furniture was deep, chocolate brown leather. The walls were painted a mocha color, almost the color of Ranger's skin. I felt my blood starting to rush and immediately pulled the mental emergency brake. I was not ready to think about Ranger.

I made my feet move and walked into the room. I studied the pictures hanging on the walls and was amazed when I realized that they were a series of black and white photos of a woman pole dancing. I couldn't take my eyes off of the pictures, they mesmerized me. I couldn't place what it was about the pictures that drew me in. The woman was dressed all in black and she was barefoot. With a jolt I realized that she was wearing the almost shorts. I guess they aren't as bad as I thought but it's still not something I want my mom to know about. I continued to look at the various shots. I was amazed at how beautiful they were. She looked sensual but in no way could I picture her in the various gentlemen clubs I've visited in the past. I found myself really drawn to one image in particular. In that picture she only had one hand on the pole and her body was about three feet up parallel with the ground. Her torso was slightly arched, one leg bent and the other straight out with her toes pointed. She was looking down at her other hand which was reaching toward the floor. I continued to study the picture and her expression drew me in. The smile that graced her face was one that could only be described as female. It was the one that when you see it, you know that she is proud that she is a woman and embraces all that she is.

"Hey girl she looks like she's flying doesn't she? It's no wonder that you picked that one to stare at, considering you always wanted to fly," Lula said, breaking into my thoughts.

I glanced at Lula and then looked back at the picture and I realized that the woman really did look like she was flying. I had been so intent on her face that I completely missed that aspect of the picture. I felt Lula grab my arm and start pulling me towards the back of the room. "Come on, I want you to meet Heidi."

As we turned toward the back of the room I could see a woman sitting at a desk. She looked up and when she saw us coming, she immediately smiled. She reached over and grabbed a set of crutches and slowly stood up. My immediate gut reaction was to hate her. She was perfect. Her glossy blond hair fell into soft shoulder-length waves. It had the kind of curl that I could only achieve with 10 hours of effort and a curling iron. Her teeth were perfectly spaced and so white that they would blind you if they caught the right light.

"Lula, is this your friend Stephanie? Are you excited that today is finally here?" she called out as she rounded the corner of the desk. As if she wasn't perfect enough she was even graceful on crutches, I thought, trying really hard to hold in the sigh that was trying to escape my lungs.

"Yes, this is my girl Steph and I'm so excited that I could barely sleep last night. I had to be really careful not to wake Tank up. I didn't want him questioning why I wasn't asleep. Typically after a few big O's I sleep like a baby."

As I watched the two women talking, I started to change my opinion of Heidi. Yes she was perfect but she was genuinely nice to Lula. It wasn't the 'I have to be nice to you because you're the customer' kind of nice, it was the 'I'm genuinely interested in what you're saying' kind.

Heidi turned her blue eyes to me. "So Stephanie, are you excited about the class?"

"I'm not sure that I'm ready but I am going to give it a shot" I said forcing myself to put a smile on my face.

She rested her crutch on the side of the couch and reached over and patted my arm. "Don't worry, it's all about having fun and you have the best teacher. Since I can't teach the class Brandi herself is going to do it, so you're in for a treat. Why don't you ladies head back to the dressing room. Lula you do remember how to get down there don't you? I haven't mastered the stairs yet with these cursed crutches and not everybody is here yet."

"Don't sweat it. I know the way. Steph and I will just go put on those rockin' shoes." And with a wink Lula was dragged me back towards the foyer. Once we were back into the hallway she led me to a doorway and down some steps into the basement, well I guess you could call it a basement. I found myself stunned when I came to the bottom of the stairs which lead into an open room that I could only describe as sensual. The whole room was floor to ceiling red velvet drapes with the exception of a few doorways. Along one wall was a huge pile of multi-colored earth tone floor pillows. I was almost afraid to take the last step onto the hardwood floors. They were dark and so glossy that you could see your reflection in them. I watched as Lula barreled through the room to a door located in the back corner. She stopped when she was a few feet from the entry and turned towards me.

"Uhh...nope. No way are you chickening out now. Move those size 7's." She waited until I took the first tentative step and then disappeared from sight.

With nothing but the sound of the heals of my boots clicking on the hardwood floors, I slowly walked and opened the door. I could hear Lula before I even got the door completely opened.

"It's about time you finally got your ass in gear. Check out this room. Can you believe that this is the locker room? No stinky sock smell in here. Look, here are our lockers, our names are engraved on the little plaque. See it says L. Davis and S. Plum is right next door. We're neighbors." Luckily for me Lula was talking over her shoulder and didn't notice my mouth hitting the floor. The room was flat out amazing. It was my dream closet in disguise as a locker room. The lockers were made out of wood with beveled cabinet doors. Above the lockers was a wall of exposed brick. I finally closed my mouth and walked over to stand next to Lula. I sat the bag down on an upholstered bench and turned towards the locker with my name on it. I finally decided that if I could face my life on a daily basis then I could get through today. I raised the lever and peeked inside of the locker. When I saw the inside I tried to figure out how I could get the locker upstairs and out the door.

"Holy Shit, look at the inside of this locker. There's a place for everything. Girl this is better than any closet my clothes have ever hit the floor of. Damn it even has wood hangers. Closets in the movies have wood hangers. Ex-Ho's that live near Stark Street _sometimes_ splurge on the plastic ones. It even has a little safe for your valuables. I have my diaphragm in my purse, that's about as valuable as it gets for me."

A giggle escaped my lips but when I glanced over at Lula she was completely naked and slipping on the white dancer's thong. I quickly closed my eyes trying to push the picture out of my mind. I did a few rounds of picturing a Boston Crème donut and then I turned towards the dreaded bag. I unzipped the zipper, reached inside and started pulling out bags. When I was finished the floor around me was littered with plastic bags and my beginner's kit was piled on the bench. Just as my jeans hit the floor Lula tapped me on the shoulder. As I turned around she shoved a digital camera into my hands.

"Here take my picture. I'm gonna document my transition into an A-class striper."

As I raised the camera up to my eye, I was a little relived that it was hiding the look of shock on my face. Lula dressed in the uniform was a site to see. The silhouette of the woman was stretched and disfigured. The stretch velvet of the almost shorts was pulled so tight that the teeth on the zipper were barely holding it together. When she turned and gave me the bump and grind pose I could see the bulges popping out at every band. Finally I snapped the last picture and returned to getting ready. I quickly took off my sweater, folded it and placed it on the shelf in the locker. I then replaced my bra with the dancers push up. I was relived to see that it looked and felt like any other bra. I slipped the tank top over my head. All I had left to put on was the almost shorts and the killer stripper shoes. I was debating trying to sneak out the door when I remembered my promise to myself that I was going to support my friend. I straightened my back and was reaching down for the dancers thong and the almost shorts when Lula let out a shriek.

"Girl, your panties have the Batman signal on them. I can't believe that you've had them on all day and didn't tell me."

I rolled my eyes at her, "Lula, I didn't realize that my underwear needed to be explained," I said as I sat down on the bench, dropped the bat undies to the floor and slipped on the dancer's thong. As the almost shorts slipped up my legs, I was a little baffled at how soft they were. They slipped onto my hips and I was relived when the zipper easily zipped. I guess these babies had a LOT of stretch. I was a bit afraid to look in the mirror so I moved onto the shoes. Even when I finally had them strapped, I kept my butt glued to the bench. I was more than a little scared to try to stand on 6" heels. I decided that it was time for a pep talk. 'Okay Stephanie, you can do this. It's only two more inches than your tallest pair. You've been walking in heels almost as long as you have been able to walk. You are a Jersey Girl. You have on six coats of mascara. You are Wonder Woman.'

I slowly brought myself to a standing position. My knees were a little wobbly but I was on my feet. I looked down at the pile of clothes at my feet and I realized that I should probably put that locker to use. Damn, now I have to figure out how I'm going to accomplish this. Do I bend at the waist and let my ass cheeks hang out? Do I try to squat at the knees in 6" heels and risk landing on that same ass? I looked over my shoulder at Lula while I planned O_peration Pretend Stephanie is not a Slob_. A giggle escaped my mouth when I found her in front of the mirror still striking poses. While her attention was focused on herself, I put operation SNS in motion. I sat back down on the bench and bent over to sweep my arms to gather my stuff. On the first try I got everything but the Batman panties, which had somehow ended up under the bench. I spread my feet to each side and tried to bend over that extra 6 inches that I needed. Just as my fingertips touched satin I felt my butt slip off the side of the bench. I tried to move my hand out to catch my fall but still ended up with my wrong end facing up. Just as I opened my mouth to mutter 'Why me?' the door opened and three women walked in to witness my twin moons staring back at them.


	13. Bombshell Alert

Author: Feather (Flightf)

Warnings: Spoilers all the way through Lean Mean Thirteen. (I am sure at some point I will use Tanks name)

Disclaimers: I own nothing…JE owns it all….I will return everything when I am finished. I am basing the strip aerobics on two programs Shelia Kelly's the S Factor and Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease.

Rating (K-M) M Yep it's M for Adult language, adult situations, and maybe some real smut.

A/N: This is the 1st story in my Pole Dancers Diary Series. Sorry this chapter took so long. Thank you to all my friends who held my hand as I mucked my way through this chapter. Wow I guess finding the time to write was a pipe dream. I promise that I will try to do better and the story will be finished.

**Chapter 13: Bombshell Alert**

I joined the army at 17 looking for excitement and adventure. I wanted out of south Texas and Uncle Sam seemed like my only choice at the time. So I packed my bag and kissed my mom goodbye and left before my old man came home from that nights binge. In return for getting me the hell out of dodge Uncle Sam spent the first nine weeks turning this mama's boy into a man. After a year of training even I had trouble finding the small little bit of Rialtos Texas in me. I spent the next ten years doing whatever Uncle Sam asked without asking why. When I finally decided that I was getting too old for the shit that was everyday life in the army I followed my commander to Trenton New Jersey. I was able to use the talents that Uncle Sam taught me but with the bonus of a hefty pay check.

On days like today I still question what the hell I'm doing in New Jersey. We hit a high of 45 today and the temperature is dropping fast. The sky is gray and after 3 years I'm still not sure if it's from smog or gloom. Here I sit in an Explorer with my ass going numb waiting for Tank or Ranger, if he is still in the area, to give the okay to turn on the _locate Bombshell_ unit. The only positive thing is that I was alone so I could turn on the radio. I shifted in my seat and checked the readout on my phone for the millionth time that hour and I started channel surfing on XM. I love Bombshell, she has a way of bringing light into the deepest darkest spots of hell. I might have stayed in the army if she would have come along with the deal. But being put on Bombshell duty when Ranger is in the wind is not a good situation. My chances of screwing up are magnified by the fact that we have no idea what the problem is. Hell I am almost guaranteed to fail. Shit, maybe I should send my address and name to that Drug Lord in South America; he would have more mercy on me than a pissed off Ranger.

The phone on the seat next to me started to vibrate.

I let out a small sigh of relief that something was finally happening. I hit the off button on XM. "Yo."

"Santo's this is the control room. _Locate Bombshell_ has been activated to your GPS. Within 5 minutes you should have her whereabouts. Let us know if you need backup." Cal's voice boomed into my ear.

I answered with an affirmative and closed the phone. I leaned my head back, closed my eyes and forced myself to do some breathing exercises while the onboard computer did its thing. The knot in my neck had just started to unwind itself when the beeping signaling new information interrupted my trance. My eyes popped open and I reached up and hit the touch screen. I was a little more at ease when the state of New Jersey was the starting point; at least she hasn't left the state. I watched the screen fixated as the red dot got a little bigger with each interval as the GPS pinpointed her location. My eyes widened a bit when the light stopped blinking on an address in Princeton. As far as I knew Princeton was not a usual haunt for Bombshell. I called and updated the control room and then turned XM on and Sir Mix-a-Lot's Baby Got Back filled the SUV. I sang along and pulled out into traffic. There was no use trying to figure out what Stephanie was doing there because there was only one thing that you could guarantee about Stephanie Plum and that was she would always end up surprising the hell out of you. Bombshell duty isn't so bad after all.

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**Bonus tid****bit because 13 was really short...**

I signed the last of the contracts and finally my updated will, then I mentally ran through my list. I've done this so many times in the past it's almost like second nature. Deciding that I was finished, I checked and made sure that my e-mail was synced before I shut the system down. They told me that I could bring my laptop along for this trip which was something new.

I closed the laptop and tucked it into my bag. A pair of blue eyes caught my attention. I looked at Steph's old Rangeman ID lying there on the corner of desk and couldn't stifle a sigh.

In the past when I was preparing for a mission by this point my veins would be pumping with adrenalin and excitement as the game played out, but this time all I felt was annoyance. Lately I have been thinking that it is time to hand this part of the job over to the rookies, that it's time for the General to find a new go-to boy.

I placed everything into my travel bag and with one last glimpse at the photo headed towards the door. Tank met me in the hall and with a nod we took the stairs. In the Explorer I tried to slip into my zone but it eluded me. I knew that my company was in good hands, Tank had proven his capabilities a long time ago. The issues with my Babe were giving me pause, Christ pretty soon I would sound like Morelli.

As we pulled up to the private airstrip I cleared my head of all unproductive thoughts and headed towards the solitary plane. I had a job to do and the sooner I accomplished it the sooner I could come home to my Babe.


End file.
